Épisode Pandora S03E04 - Skins Saison 3

Pandora dort aux côtés d'Effy. Elle se réveille et joue avec son médaillon que Thomas lui a donné. Elle murmure. Elle se rend compte que la mère d'Effy les observe. Elles discutent de la beauté d'Effy et de l'amour.

Pandora prend le petit déjeuner avec les parents d'Effy et celle-ci. Elle raconte à toute vitesse leur soirée totalement déjantée. Ensuite, elle parle avec sa mère au téléphone où elle ment sur la soirée précédente. Le père d'Effy ne comprend rien  lorsque Effy menace sa mère par rapport aux mensonges.

On sonne à la porte. Le père d'Effy répond et fait face à son collègue, qui est en fait l'amant de sa femme. Il entre et embrasse Anthéa, sous le regard effaré de son mari.

Les parents d'Effy s'engueulent et les filles écoutent en silence assises dans la cuisine. Le père d'Effy quitte la maison. Anthéa est en pleurs. Pandora fait de son mieux pour réconforter sa meilleure amie. Effy s'enfuit tout de même.

Pandora court pour rejoindre Effy qui est allée fumer au le bord de la rivière. Pandora essaie de réconforter Effy, mais s'inquiète plus pour sa pyjama party, qui aura lieu dans la soirée. Celle-ci explique qu'il ne pourra y avoir de drogue ce soir car sa mère est complètement contre. Ensuite, Pandora explique qu'Effy et elle sont meilleures amies car elle n’est tellement bonne à rien qu'aucun mec qu'Effy fréquente ne voudrait la baiser. Elles rencontrent ensuite le nouveau petit ami de Katie, Danny. Celle-ci annonce qu'elle aura de bonnes quantités de drogues pour la pyjama party et Pandora est incapable de lui faire comprendre qu'elles ne pourront la consommer. Katie et Danny s'embrassent, Pandora et Effy en profitent pour s'éclipser.

Pandora, Effy et Katie arrivent chez Pandora où elles font la connaissance d'une mère maniaque et très stricte.
Elles font toutes ensemble la cuisine en chantant. Katie en profite pour glisser subtilement la drogue dans la préparation des brownies.

Naomi entend les chants de l'extérieur de la maison. Le voisin l'observe drôlement. Emily arrive. Elles discutent et Emily avoue qu'elle a forcé Pandora à inviter Naomi. Lorsque Naomi lui explique qu'elle n'est pas lesbienne car elle préfère les mecs et les fellations, le voisin leur reproche leurs comportements immoraux.

Les filles entrent dans la maison et rencontrent elles aussi la mère de Pandora. Pandora détourne la conversation de Thomas, son copain. Naomi ment et dit que c'est son petit ami. Effy retire les brownies du four. La mère de Pandora la rejoint et elle décide de goûter les brownies avant tout le monde, ne sachant pas que Katie a mis de la drogue dedans.

Dans la chambre de Pandora, devant le jeu de twister, Katie avoue avoir mis de la drogue dans les brownies. Ensuite, Naomi et Katie rigolent en faisant des blagues homosexuelles ce qui énerve Emily. Pandora arrive alors, des pyjamas maison aux bras, et force ses amies à les enfiler.

JJ et Cook sont cachés près de la maison de Pandora. Cook force JJ à s'infiltrer dans la maison de Pandora. La mère de celle-ci ouvre la porte et leur refuse l'accès avant d'enclencher le système d'alarme.

La mère de Pandora met la table et semble éprouver un plaisir fou à se regarder dans le punch. Effy de son côté danse, les brownies à la main. Katie, Emily, Naomi et Pandora s'habillent avec les pyjamas. Cook et JJ sont à la fenêtre pour regarder. Effy arrive et se met nue. Cook voit la scène. Ils se sourient. Puis JJ fait tomber Cook. Les filles finissent de s'habiller et la mère de Pandora arrive, les brownies à la main. Elle est visiblement défoncée. Celle-ci danse et se déshabille. Les filles se joignent à elle. Pandora, troublée, quitte sa chambre.

Cook et JJ obsèrvent toujours. Cook décide donc de remonter pour s'infiltrer dans la maison. JJ, ne sachant plus quoi faire, appelle Freddie.

Cook entre dans la maison par la fenêtre de la chambre de la mère de Pandora. Il se cache dans le placard puisque Naomi et Emily entrent avec la mère dans les bras, elles la dépose sur le lit avant de quitter la pièce. Cook tente de sortir du placard. Il est coincé.

Pandora est enfermée dans les toilettes et pleurs. Effy tente de la faire sortir mais Pandora est désespérément triste. Thomas ayant quitté le pays, et sa fête étant loin de ressembler à ce qu'elle voulait, elle refuse de sortir. Effy s'engueule avec Katie qui choisit mal ses mots. Effy s'enferme dans la chambre de la mère de Pandora.

Naomi sort pour chercher l'alcool sur le porche. JJ l'espionne. Elle entre et fait face à Emily. Elles sont visiblement attirées... Elles s'embrassent et mettent ça sur le compte de la drogue. JJ est troublé.

Cook est toujours piègé dans le placard.

Katie observe Naomi et Emily sautant dans un module gonflable. Les deux filles s'embrassent. Katie est choquée. Elles entendent une voiture klaxonner, c'est Danny. Lui et une bande arrivent pour faire la fête. Il fait entrer tout le monde à l'intérieur sous le regard totalement déboussolé de sa petite amie.

Effy dans la chambre de la mère de Pandora entend Cook faire du bruit. Elle ouvre la porte, puis s'enferme à l'intérieur avec lui. La fête bat son plein chez Pandora. Celle-ci pleure dans les toilettes, suppliant les gens de quitter la maison.

Effy et Cook font l'amour dans le placard, mais leurs actes trop violents font défoncer le mur et ils se retrouvent chez le voisin. Ils découvrent des vidéos pornographiques faites par le voisin lui-même!

Freddie arrive chez Pandora et affronte le voisin. Il ne l'écoute pas et entre. Il avance difficilement entre les gens bourrés et retrouve JJ complètement perdu. Ils sortent. Effy les retient. Ils ont un petit différent par rapport à Cook. Freddie la rejette, Effy part en pleurant.

Pandora se décide à sortir des toilettes. Elle retrouve Cook qui est seul dans un salon dévasté. Tout le monde est parti. Pandora explique ce à quoi elle pensait en invitant ses amies, en précisant qu'elle voulait connaître comment "faire du sexe". Puis ils jouent au twister. Ils s'amusent bien. Puis Cook allume un joint et le partage avec Pandora. Cook lui propose alors de lui apprendre le sexe. Ils s'embrassent puis font l'amour.

Le soleil se lève, Effy se réveille. Elle rejoint sa mère dans la cuisine. Effy a pris une douche, et Anthéa la complimente. Elle tente d'expliquer pourquoi elle a trompé son père... Effy semble comprendre.

Effy arrive à la porte de Pandora. Elle vient faire la paix, mais elle surprend Pandora qui embrasse Cook après que celui-ci lui donne des derniers conseils sexuels. Effy sort de sa cachette. Cook est parti, elle affronte Pandora. Elles s'engueulent. Effy dit qu'elles sont amies seulement parce que Pandora ne couche pas avec ses mecs mais que maintenant ça ne tient plus. Pandora lui reproche alors de ne pas être une bonne amie. Effy semble approuver... Cependant, le retour de Thomas vient tout bouleverser. Il arrive à la course, et serre Pandora fort dans ses bras. Elle pleure. Effy en profite pour partir.

SONG. “Oh God now when's the time. For me, oh. When will you see me through? Oh God my mind is eating, my heart out. Oh God my heart is beating. My mind up...”

 

PANDORA: Please, come back. Come back. Come back. Come back. Come back. Come back.

ANTHEA: Hi, I made tea.

PANDORA: Huh? Oh.

ANTHEA: Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to surprise you.

PANDORA: It’s okay, Anthea. Um… What are you doing?

ANTHEA: Oh, you know… Just, er, just looking.

PANDORA: Right. Whizzer. Effy’s a bit out of it. She’s beautiful. Not like me.

ANTHEA: Oh? Seems like somebody likes you!

PANDORA: My boyfriend gave it to me. I only knew him three days. Thomas. Now, he’s gone.

ANTHEA: But it was fun while it lasted, hmm? So much fun…

PANDORA: Yeah, it’s called love.

ANTHEA: That’s a big word!

PANDORA: I don’t know, four letters is… Oh. But, I’m sure it is love: All you want to do is kiss them, and you know, other stuff. Brilliant stuff.

ANTHEA: Yeah. Yeah, brilliant stuff. Maybe this Thomas will hop on a train and come back to see you.

PANDORA: You can’t get a train from the Congo.

ANTHEA: Congo?

PANDORA: Yeah, it’s a Democratic Republic, located on the Equator, bordering Gabon and Cameroon.

ANTHEA: Yeah, I remember now.

PANDORA: I really miss him. You think love conquers all, Anthea?

ANTHEA: I hope so, sweetie. Why don’t you wake up the sleeping beauty and tell her we have something called “Breakfast” in our country?

 

PANDORA: After that, we had to get out mega-speedily, so we climbed over some spiky fence, and then found ourselves in this field. Then, what did we do, Eff’?

EFFY: Can’t remember.

PANDORA: We either went to the park to find the boys or then got chips or the other way round. Which was it, Eff’?

EFFY: Chips.

PANDORA: Oh, yeah. Super Cool. Brown sauce soaks up all the Red Bulls. And then we went crazy, ‘cause Cook pulled JJ’s pants and showed us his willy. Morning, Mum. Yeah, thanks. Super duper great night at the youth centre. I made soup, we prayed and recycled socks. Soup. For the homeless, they love soup. Um, Cream of mushroom? Okey-doke. Effy says “Howdy doody”. See you later, alligator. 

JIM: Did you just… That was a pack of lies.

PANDORA: Oh, you can’t tell my mom the truth. She’d only do agony flip and go ra-ra.

JIM: Is she speaking English?

EFFY: She means the truth hurts, Dad. It’s for her own good. Otherwise, truth… Boom.

JIM: You all right, love?

ANTHEA: Yeah, I just, erm, I just gotta, er… Stop it.

EFFY: You stop it.

JIM: Is someone going to start speaking a language round here I fucking understand? Steve, mate! Am I driving today?

STEVE: No.

JIM: You’re doing the International Webcam and Hard Drive Expo in Poole. You don’t want to miss that.

STEVE: I can’t do it.

JIM: Jesus! You should have told me, I fucking love those hard drive events.

ANTHEA: Jim, who are you talking…?

STEVE: I need you.

JIM: Ok, I’ll get the car keys. Get you to Poole in no time.

STEVE: For fuck’s sake, I love you! When are you fucking going to understand that?

JIM: Steve. Mate, I’m… I’m married. I’m straight. Don’t do dick, no way no how, but you know… I mean, c’est la vie. E

STEVE: I can’t stand it, Anthea!

JIM: Each to their own…

ANTHEA: I told you!

STEVE: It’s too late!

PANDORA: Wallop!

 

JIM: Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!

ANTHEA: You don’t understand. Jim, please! Listen!

JIM: All those weekends! Those bendy fucking yoga weekends in Dartmouth!  

ANTHEA: Jim, please!

JIM: Oh, you were bending all right, weren’t you? In all the right fucking places!

ANTHEA: Oh, please Jim…! Just let me… I just want to explain to you.

JIM: You’ve done enough explaining, haven’t you?

ANTHEA: Jim, I’m sorry.

JIM: I love you. Please, don’t leave me down.

ANTHEA: What a mess!

EFFY: They fuck you up!

PANDORA: They don’t mean to, Eff’.

EFFY: But, they do.

PANDORA: Effy! Not now, mum. Effy!

 

PANDORA: Bugger it, Eff’. You can’t half leg it. And I’ve got cross-country badge! Do you think your mom and funny beard have been, you know… making monkey?

EFFY: Yes, Pandora. They’ve been making monkey.

PANDORA: Wow! Surfed and turfed?

EFFY: Yup.

PANDORA: Eff’. Eff’, don’t cry. Does this mean you’re not coming to my pyjama party?

EFFY: I’m not crying.

PANDORA: Right. But my party?

EFFY: Sure. Why not? Let’s get totally, totally fucked.

PANDORA: Um, yeah, that’s the thing. My mum’s gonna be there and we’re gonna put on pyjamas and play Twister. It’s brilliant fun, more fun than getting fucked. Probably. And then, you’re all going to tell me how to do it with Tommo because basically, I haven’t got a clue.

EFFY: Pandora, why are we friends? Do you ever wonder?

PANDORA: Well, that’s super easy. You’re my pal because you’re the coolest ever, and I’m yours because I’ll do anything you say and none of your boyfriends ever want to surf me ‘cause I’m useless.

EFFY: That’s it?

PANDORA: Yeah.

EFFY: Come on, let’s get hot chocolates.

PANDORA: Cool.

KATIE: Effy! Hey!

EFFY: Oh, shit!

KATIE: I’ve ringing you loads! You know Danny, he plays for the Bristol Rivers Reserves, yeah?

DANNY: Yeah, nice one, tasty.

KATIE: This is my new best friend, Effy.

DANNY: Cool tits, yeah?

EFFY: Sorry?

DANNY: Nice jugglies, babe. Perky.

KATIE: Danny! He doesn’t mean it. Do you, babes?

DANNY: Fuckin’ right I do! Yeah!

PANDORA: And I’m Pandora.

DANNY: Ok. Hey kid, you should come up the ground, watch the lads train, yeah? ‘Cause after, we get some Lambrinis in, we go lucky in the showers?

EFFY: He’s joking, right?

KATIE: Um, yeah. Right. Anyway, can’t wait for this party tonight! I’ve got a shitload of weed and pills.

PANDORA: Weeds? Um, no…

EFFY: Cool.

DANNY: Yeah man. Way safe. Orgy!

KATIE: You’re not coming. It’s girls only. Right?

PANDORA: Yeah.

KATIE: We’re gonna tell secrets and get intimate, no boys.

DANNY: Intimate?! Yes, nice one. Take photos, babe!

KATIE: So I’ve got Flying Saucepans and Love Fountains. Wow! We’re gonna be fry!

PANDORA: But, we’re doing Twister.

KATIE: Cool. You can snort that, right?

PANDORA: Not exactly.

DANNY: Love Fountains are mint.

PANDORA: Mum’s making brownies.

KATIE: You ok?

PANDORA: She’s upset because her mom’s been making monkey and her dad’s gone ape.

KATIE: Huh?

PANDORA: Bananas! ‘Cause Beardy Steve’s been making her do the Funky Gibbon and… I’ve boobed, haven’t I?

EFFY: Yes!

DANNY: Me loves the Funky Gibbons!

KATIE: Danny!

DANNY: Yeah?

KATIE: You’re gonna fuck off? We need girl time.

DANNY: Yeah?

KATIE: Practice you ball skills, babe. I’ll do that keepy-uppy thing later, remember?

DANNY: Oh, yeah!

 

 

PANDORA: Cool! Mum’s done the signal. So everybody knows where my party is.

KATIE: How many people did you invite?

PANDORA: Um, four. You, Eff’, Emily and Naomi.

KATIE: Naomi? Why did you invite her?

PANDORA: Ems says I have to or she won’t come.

EFFY: Ah. Sweet.

PANDORA: Come on. We can do brownies, and then lick our bowls out.

KATIE: Do you think she knows she sounds filthy half the time?

EFFY: Sometimes I wonder.

 

PANDORA: Mum!

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Blastification! Drat! Drat! Fiddlesticks! Panda, we have spoken about shouting like a goat in the house.

PANDORA: Sorry. Look, mum. Friends!

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Still shouting, Panda. Calm time, please.

PANDORA: I’m calm. I’m calm. I’m calm. So, this is Effy.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Effy! We meet at last!

EFFY: Yes.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Pandora has told me so much about you.

PANDORA: Yeah, you know, Eff’, your missionary work.

EFFY: Yes, I try and do as much of that as I can.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: That’s good. There are so many bad things in the world. Boys, and drugs, guns, alcohol. Boys. Evil things. I’m glad Pandora’s found a channel she can pour her energy into.

EFFY: Well, yes, all the seamen like her.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Seamen?

EFFY: Oh, yes. Loads of seamen. Some of them are homeless as well. We’d love to see Pandora get her own missionary position.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Right… Lovely. And this is?

KATIE: Katie.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Katie. I haven’t heard about you.

PANDORA: She’s a new friend, mum. Stupid.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Well, that’s wonderful. We’re not used to have so many friends, are we, Panda?

PANDORA: No. And I’ve got more. Heaps more. Two more.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Four friends. Goodness. We’re going to have a wild old time, aren’t we? I hope you all like playing Monster in the Dark.

EFFY: Looking forward to it.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: I expect you all want to wash your hands and take your shoes off.

PANDORA: Come on. I’ll show you Mum’s special box.

 

PANDORA: “London's burning. London's burning.”

PANDORA’S MOTHER: “London's burning, London's burning.”

PANDORA: “Fetch the engines. Fetch the engines. Fire, fire!”

PANDORA’S MOTHER: “Fire, fire!”

GIRLS: “London's burning, London's burning... Making brownies, making brownies. Really yummy, really yummy. Making brownies, making brownies. In the kitchen, in the kitchen...”

 

NAOMI: Fucking hell. Yes?

MAN: Nothing, young lady. I have nothing to say to you at all.

NAOMI: What the fuck is that?

EMILY: Hi.

NAOMI: Jesus.

EMILY: I’ve never been to a pyjama party before, so I brought Vodka. Was that right?

NAOMI: Don’t know.

EMILY: I don’t wear pyjamas.

NAOMI: Right. I don’t know why she invited me anyway. I hardly know her.

EMILY: I asked her to invite you.

NAOMI: I thought we sorted this out.

EMILY: I didn’t mean like…  Well, it doesn’t hurt to get to know each other, does it? We’re in the same class. We’ll be hanging out for the next two years…

NAOMI: You going to tell people you’re gay anytime soon?

EMILY: What? I’m not. I’m not gay.

NAOMI: Telling you, Ems. You haven’t thought this through, have you?

EMILY: No.

NAOMI: So can I just say again? Me, not muff muncher. Me, cock cruncher.

EMILY: You getting any cock?

NAOMI: I have done. Except he had erectile dysfunction. 17 times. I was getting tennis elbow, you know. Yes? Can I help you with something?

MAN: No. This is a quiet cul-de-sac and you are disgraceful young women.

NAOMI: Yeah? So, go fuck yourself, tosser.

PANDORA: Hi!

NAOMI: Hey… What?

EMILY: Hey!

PANDORA: Mum! More friends! Naomi and Emily!

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Calm, please, Panda.

PANDORA: Oh, yeah. I’m calm.  I’m calm.

 

 

PANDORA’S MOTHER: We’ve been so looking forward to this, haven’t we, Panda?

PANDORA: Yeah. What? Oh, yeah. Shoes!

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Are you all chums?

PANDORA: Oh, yeah. Ems and Naomi are real good friends.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: How lovely!

PANDORA: Really good, and now they like me as well.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Hang on. Aren’t you Katie?

PANDORA: That’s the amazing thing! Katie! They’re twins! C’est incroyable, baby.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Sorry?

PANDORA: It’s French. Thomas taught me. He’s such a blinking dream and… Bugger.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Thomas? Who’s Thomas?

PANDORA: Oh, you know…

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Pandora. I do hope you haven’t been defying me on the subject of boys.

NAOMI: He’s my boyfriend, actually. He does, um, excellent French.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Right. Well, Pandora knows my opinion on boyfriends.

PANDORA: They just want to get into my box.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Yes, and I do hope all of you will respect that in this house we do not allow unruly males at parties. I’m sure your parents would say the same thing.

KATIE Um… Yeah.

NAOMI: Yeah.

GIRLS: Boys. Eeugh. Disgusting.

PANDORA: There you go, Katie and Emily. Completely identical.

PANDORA’S MOTHER:  Are you interested in all the same things?

KATIE: Um…

EMILY: I’m not sure.

PANDORA: You like Twister, though?

EMILY: Sorry?

PANDORA: Twister! It’s brill! It’s gonna be twistomatic, baby!

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Pandora gets over-stimulated. We do exercises nightly. Oh, I’ve left pyjamas out for you all. They’re pink and… clean. Very, very clean.

 

SONG. “I got some troubles but they won't last. I'm gonna lay right down here in the grass. And pretty soon all my troubles will pass, ‘cause I'm in shoo-shoo-shoo...”

 

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Ooh! Are they nicely gooey?

EFFY: I’m certainly hoping so.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Heavenly. You know, I’m wondering if you aren’t a little bit naughty, Effy.

EFFY: I am.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Well, I bet you’re naughty enough to try these brownies with me before anybody else.

EFFY: I’ll try anything.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Ok, then. Let’s dive in. I love brownies. I love them.

 

SONG. “Shoo-shoo-shoo Sugar Town.”

 

NAOMI: Twister. Are you shitting me?

KATIE: Don’t worry. I spiked the chocolate brownies with MDMA.  

EMILY: You what?

KATIE: Yeah. Appreciate it, ok. There’s fucking 40 quid’s worth in there.

EMILY: You think it’s funny?

NAOMI: It is kind of.

KATIE: Yeah, enter into the spirit, Ems.

NAOMI: So, Katie you gonna be nice to me now we’re Twister pals? I promise not to grab your minge and everything.

KATIE: Ok, ha ha. Hands off the muff and we’re sorted.

NAOMI: Gotcha! No buffing the beaver.

KATIE: No groping the growler.

NAOMI: Don’t tickle on my tinkle!

KATIE: Ok, I won’t fluff up your flange.

EMILY: You done?

KATIE: Yep. We’re double done with the DNA dump.

PANDORA: Hey, guys! What do you think? Mum made them specially, and look!

NAOMI: Jesus.

PANDORA: So you can have Sexy Poo…  Or Brainy Poo. Except for me, ‘cause I have Panda Poo! Mum and me sewed them on. It was a wacker job, I’m telling you.

NAOMI: I’m not wearing that.

PANDORA: Why not? It’s a pyjama party.

KATIE: What the fuck? Give it here.

PANDORA: Oh, Wizzer Poo! Because look what goes with them. Isn’t Mum wick?!  

 

 

SONG. “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. And they're like, it's better than yours. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. And they're like, it's better than yours, damn right...”

 

 

COOK: Are they getting undressed?

JJ: Cook, they’re not. Why would they get undressed? Can I just remind you that Pandora's party is specified as a girls-only event?

COOK: Yup. And you know what that means?

JJ: Of course I do. OK, so I'm not 100% sure what it means.

COOK: So let me enlighten you, Double J. Pyjama party means only one thing - girls getting friendly.

JJ: Friendly?

COOK: Oh, yeah. Real friendly.

JJ: Hang on. Even I know that only happens in overblown and possibly illegal teen dramas. Mum says there's a lot less sex going on than I might imagine.

COOK: You never experienced wish fulfilment, J?

JJ: Never.

COOK: They're all in there, girls getting to know each other, experimenting, getting lubed up and gagging for forbidden fruit and we're gonna give it to them.

JJ: If Freddie was here...

COOK: Do you see Freddie? Did we invite Freddie?

JJ: No.

COOK: And why didn't we invite him?

JJ: Because he's a fun-sponge?

COOK: You got it. You see? It's a sign.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Yes?

JJ: Um... Hello.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: I'll call the police.

 

SONG. “I've seen her once or twice before She knows my face. But it's hard to see with all the people standing in the way...”

 

JJ: Cook? Cook?!

 

SONG. “In the mornin' you go gunnin'. For the man who stole your water. But the hangman isn't hangin'. And they put you on the street, yeah...”

 

COOK: Come on!

JJ: This is a fantasy and I have to tell you, a poorly constructed one. Just because I have a natural facility on a climbing wall...

COOK: Come on, we need to see them doing it.

JJ: For the last time, they won't be doing it. They won't be naked, or engaged in mutual masturbation...

COOK: Check.

JJ: What?

COOK: I'm requesting a check. Is that too much to ask of a friend? What the fuck?

JJ: Oh, my god, oh, my god!

COOK: What... What? What?

JJ: They're n... na...

COOK: Please say naked.

JJ: Nearly.

COOK: Good enough.

JJ: Ah...! Cook...! Cook...! Aah! No...! Cook! Cook!

EFFY: What the fuck?

NAOMI: Come on, Eff, pyjamas.

EFFY: Whatever...

JJ: I can't hang on. I'm going to slip! Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook!

KATIE: What was that?

EFFY: Nothing. Tummy. Too much cake...

PANDORA: Hey, Mum. Look. We're pretty in pink!

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Oh! That's wonderful, girls. I must compliment myself, though. My brownies are usually delicious, but I've really excelled myself. This is my third already.

PANDORA: Yum... I'm gonna have three. Thanks, Mum.

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Yeah, sure... Wow. Listen to that.

 

SONG. BON JOVI: Livin' on a prayer.

 

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Can you hear the music? Oh, yeah!

PANDORA: Mum?

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Oh, that's beautiful. Oh, it sounds...

PANDORA: What's she doing?

PANDORA’S MOTHER: Wonderful, oh, wow!

EFFY: Yeah, I'm getting it!

KATIE: I'm telling you. That is fucking good shit!

PANDORA: What have you done?

NAOMI: Eat a cake, Panda. It's gonna be a long night.

 

SONG. “Tommy used to work on the docks. Union's been on strike. He's down on his luck. It's tough. So tough. Gina works the diner all day. Working for her man. She brings home her pay for love. Ooh, for love. She says: We've gotta hold on to what we've got. It doesn't make a difference. If we make it or not. We've got each other. And that's a lot for love. We'll give it a shot! Whoa, we’re half way there, whoa-ho...!”

 

COOK: I'm telling you, man. We gotta fucking get in there!

JJ: No.

COOK: No?

JJ: Freddie says, every time you ask me to do something, just say no.

COOK: He said that?

JJ: Yes. It's a song which gives useful lifestyle advice but it's also a state of mind.

COOK: Maybe me and Freds will have words. But somehow, Gay J, I'm going to this party. You’re coming?

JJ: No. Just say no.

COOK: Suit yourself, Gay J.

JJ: Oh, balls! Freds, you gotta get down here! We've gone to Nine.

FREDDIE: 'Nine?'

JJ: Affirmative. It's a Niner. Code Red. He's going in.

FREDDIE: 'Stop him, JJ. Stop him!'

 

COOK: Result. Eurgh! Oh, God...

NAOMI: Dump her in here! Dump her in here!

COOK: Shit! Fuck!

PANDORA’S MOTHER: That was so... So fun.

EMILY: Is she breathing? Yep.

NAOMI: Safe.

COOK: Oh, man!

 

EFFY: Panda, come on! Let me in.

PANDORA: Go away!

EFFY: It was a joke. It wasn't even me!

PANDORA: You always bog everything up! It's always you! You do everything you like just cos you're depressed cos your mum's getting wacked up the pants! Well, bogging bog off! This is my party and I'm upset because my boyfriend got deported and you're supposed to be eating jelly and playing Twister at my party and telling me how to pop my cherry with my boyfriend...!

EFFY: Christ's sake, I'll show you how to do a blowjob.

PANDORA: I don't want a blowjob. I want my boyfriend back!

EFFY: Panda. I was just... Panda!

KATIE: Um... she's upset.

EFFY: Do I ever get to be upset? Do I ever get to be anyone but me?!

KATIE: Eff...

EFFY: Fuck off!

KATIE: Effy, just... Panda... Oh, for Christ's sake!

 

JJ: Get Cook out. Don't get arrested. They will not be naked. I'm going in.

KATIE: Where you going?

NAOMI: Wine. I want wine.

KATIE: Hurry up with it! Get beer, lezzer!

NAOMI: All right, all right! Keep your vagina on. Whoa...

 

NAOMI: So... What do you want, Ems? Pinot Grigio, or... cider oblivion?

EMILY: Anything... Just give me a fucking... Just... Just give me a...

 

SONG. “Cause I'm being taken over by a feeling...”

 

NAOMI: Oh... It's only the drugs, right?

 

SONG. “It's all about fast cars and cussing each other but it doesn't matter ‘cause I'm packing plastic. And that's what makes my life so fucking fantastic I don't know what's right and what's real any more And I don't know How I'm meant to feel...”

 

EMILY: You liked that.

NAOMI: You're gay.

EMILY: Yes.

JJ: Oh, my giddy, giddy, giddy… Aunt!

 

SONG. GIRLS ALOUD: Jump (For My Love).

 

COOK: Fuck...

 

SONG. “..Then jump for my love. Jump in. And feel my touch. Jump, if you wanna taste my kisses in the night, then. Jump for my love. I know my heart can make you happy. Jump in! You know these arms can fill you up. Jump, if you wanna taste my kisses in the night then. Jump for my love...”

 

KATIE: Shit.

DANNY: Hey, Katie! Katie! Where are you, girl?! Which fucking house, girl?! Wahey! What's going on, kidder?! The lads!

PEOPLE: Wahey!

KATIE: Oh, shit.

DANNY: Yes! Pyjama party, check it out, lads. Nice one!

KATIE: You're not meant to be here, remember?

DANNY: Come on. Have a heart. We lost 7-0 again, innit? You know the lads... Tommo... Marco... How you doing, man?! Jonno... Sambo... Keeno... Danno... Paedo!

KEENO: Nice...!

 

SONG. BEASTIE BOYS: Three MCs and One DJ.

 

EFFY: Sorry. Hello?

COOK: The fucking door's locked itself, hasn't it? Hey.

EFFY: Hey. You should've pulled.

COOK: I will now, won't I? Is this the cupboard for mindless sex?

EFFY: You don't give a fuck about anything, do you?

COOK: Nope.

 

PANDORA: Go away. Go away. Please. I want my boyfriend.

 

COOK: Yeah.

EFFY: Wait. Hang on. Don't push.

COOK: I wanna...

EFFY: Wait! There's something here.

COOK: No.

EFFY: Aargh! What the fuck?

COOK: What's going on? Are we...? Are we next door?

EFFY: We're next door.

MAN: 'Hello. I'm Martin. This is Angela.'

PANDORA’S MOTHER: 'Hi.'

MAN: 'And this is how we have sex. Oh. That's lovely, Angela.'

PANDORA’S MOTHER: 'Thank you, Martin.'

MAN: 'Could you rub harder?'

PANDORA’S MOTHER: 'Certainly.'

 

MAN: You! Yes, you. I've called the police, you know? I'll be giving Angela a report when she gets back.

FREDDIE: Right.

MAN: It's nearly nine o'clock... disgusting. Absolutely shocking, what you kids get up to. Shocking!

FREDDIE: JJ?

BOY: Throw me through the ceiling! Throw me through the fucking ceiling!

FREDDIE: JJ! JJ! JJ!

JJ: G... G... Got locked on, Freds. It's gone to a 12...easy.

FREDDIE: It's all right. It's all right. Come on. We're gonna leave, come on. Yeah? All right?

JJ: I didn't want to leave without him. It's an international incident. I thought he was gonna... gonna... I didn't want to leave without him.

FREDDIE: Fuck him, JJ.

EFFY: Freddie. You came. Cool.

FREDDIE: JJ gets locked on. You have to look after him.

EFFY: I thought Cook... Cook's his friend.

FREDDIE: I think Cook's your friend, isn't he?

EFFY: Not necessarily. Hey, you'll never guess what Pandora's Mum...

FREDDIE: We're going home, Eff. Where's Pandora? Come on.

EFFY: I didn't mean to fuck everything up. My parents are splitting up. I'm sorry. I got trashed.

FREDDIE: I'm sorry about that. It's shit.

 

SONG. CAT POWER: Fool

“Apartment in New York London and Paris. Where will we rest? We're all living on top of it. It's all that we have

The USA is our daily bread. And no-one is willing to share it. Bane and dismannered. We coax all the time. Knowing that nothing is left when we die. Come along, fool a direct hit of the senses you're disconnected. It's not that it's bad. It's not that it's death. It's just that it's on the tip of your tongue And you're so silent...”

 

COOK: All right, Panda?

PANDORA: Hi.

COOK: We're the last ones standing. No-one's got any stamina these days.

PANDORA: Right. Whizzer. I wanted to play Twister... and then the girls were gonna tell me how to do sex.

COOK: Bummer. How do you do it, anyway?

PANDORA: Huh? You know, you've done loads of sex.

COOK: No, Twister.

PANDORA: Oh! Well, you spin the dial... and then you put your hands and feet where it tells you.

COOK: Right!

 

PANDORA: Hand, there. Right. Now me.

COOK: OK.

PANDORA: Over here.

COOK: Oh!

PANDORA: You gotta move that and that. That!

COOK: Oh, great!

PANDORA: That. There. OK, put your hand on yellow.

Is it on there?

COOK: Hey, Panda?

PANDORA: Yes, Cookie?

COOK: Do you want me to show you?

PANDORA: What?

COOK: You know...

 

SONG. KANYE WEST: Love Lockdown.

“I'm not lovin' you way I wanted to what I had to do had to run from you. I'm in love with you but the vibe is wrong. And that haunted me all the way home so you never know Never, never know, never know enough Til it's over, love. Til we lose control System overload. Screamin' :No, no no, n-no. I'm not lovin' you way I wanted to see I wanna move But can't escape from you so I keep it low keep a secret code so everybody else don't have to know. So keep your love locked down. Your love locked down Keepin' your love locked down. Your love locked down I keep your love locked down. Your love locked down I keep your love locked down. You lose. I'm not lovin' you way I wanted to. I can't keep my cool so I keep it true. I got somethin' to lose... I stayed silent for two years. For two years. I never dared to come alive. Let go of my fears..."

 

ANTHEA: Wow. You really are beautiful.

EFFY: So are you, Mum.

ANTHEA: I wanted to be… One more time.

 

SONG. “..Just like I guessed. Just like, just like Just like... Why? Why? Why? Why-y-y? Why? Why-y-y-y-y? Why? Why-y-y...?"

 

COOK: See ya later.

EFFY: Any good?

PANDORA: I don't know what you mean.

EFFY: I mean he's a sensational fuck, yeah?

PANDORA: There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Eff. Just ‘cause I'm useless, don't mean I'm nothing.

EFFY: We're friends because you don't surf-and-turf my men. You said that.

PANDORA: He's not yours, Eff. He'll never belong to anyone.

EFFY: Shut up.

PANDORA: That's why you don't really want him.

EFFY: Shut up.

PANDORA: He's not the one you want, Eff.

EFFY: Shut up!

PANDORA: I know because I'm your friend. But you don't make enough effort, Eff. I'm just there to laugh at. You don't know me. My life. My family. My Mum. Why don't you know anything about my Mum? I know everything about yours.

EFFY: You're right. I don't know anything about your Mum.

PANDORA: I'm sorry. OK?

EFFY: Yeah. Oh, Jesus...

PANDORA: What?

EFFY: Careful what you wish for, Pandora.

PANDORA: Why?

THOMAS: Panda! Panda! Panda! Panda! Look, I'm here! Panda! It's me. Are you not glad to see me? Mother said I could come back. What's wrong?

EFFY: Don't be a twat, Thomas. Give your girlfriend a hug.

THOMAS: Yes... Oh, Panda.

PANDORA: I missed you... I missed you too much.

THOMAS: It's OK. Everything is OK. Everything is A1.

 

SONG. LOW: Breaker.

“Our bodies break and the blood just spills and spills. But here we sit debating math. It's just a shame... My hand just kills and kills. There's gotta be an end to that...”