Everyone
Season 5 episode 8
Script VO
PREVIOUSLY:
RICH: Hi.
GRACE: That's nice.
LIV: Do you love her?
MATTY: I love you.
LIV: But do you love her?
MINI: If you care then why did you fuck my best friend?
NICK: Mins!
DAVID BLOOD: I have decided that you will be returning to Mayberry's after all.
GRACE: What?
RICH: So marry me, Grace Violet Blood.
* * * * * * * * * * * Opening credits * * * * * * * * * *
GRACE’S ROOM:
Grace seats at her office. She signs her marriage’s papers. Then, she goes in front of her mirror.
GRACE: I do. I do. I do, I do, I do!
BRISTOL:
Rich is attached to a van.
RICH: Alo! Alo! Alo, get me off the fucking roof!
ALO: Shit, my balls!
LEVAN’S HOUSE:
Franky comes into Levan’s house. She sees Nick, sleeping. She ears some noise and she puts a sheet of paper on the bed before Matty’s coming. She leaves the house. Matty reads the paper and goes open the door.
MINIE: Stay away from Franky today.
MATTY: What are you, her bodyguard?
MINI: No, I'm her best friend. And I've been looking after her.
MATTY: Is she OK?
MINI: No, she's not OK, OK? You've made her ill.
MATTY: I haven't done anything.
MINI: We all have to make an effort today and that includes you, amazingly. I mean, you've done a pretty great job ignoring her calls, so, please, do not fuck with her head today. Promise me.
MATTY: Yes. I promise.
MINI: Good. Toodles!
GRACE’S HOUSE:
Grace is trying to leave her house.
DAVID BLOOD: Where are you off to so early?
GRACE: To, um, Liv's. To, like, say goodbye to everyone.
DAVID BLOOD: OK. But, we need to leave the Mayberry's by one. I could pick you up en route?
GRACE: No it’ll be fine. I'll be back.
DAVID BLOOD: I have a little something for you.
He gives her a jewel in which is hidden a GPS.
GRACE: Oh thank you.
DAVID BLOOD: To new beginnings. There we go. Give Daddy a huggy-wuggy, then.
They embrace each other. Then, Grace leaves the house.
DAVID BLOOD, watching his mobile phone: Lovely.
A BRISTOL’S HAIRDRESSER:
RICH: Just a trim, OK?
ALO: Trust me, mate. Grace is gonna love it. Ooh!
RICH: A-a-ah!
ALO: There, that's it. That's it, good lad. Good, good lad.
RICH: I feel violated.
ALO: It's called wind around your ears, mate.
RICH, watching himself in a window: I look like…
ALO: …Justin Bieber.
RICH: You take that back.
ALO: All right, sorry, sorry, sorry. You, you look like a man who's just made the ultimate sacrifice, for love. Right, rain check. Rings?
RICH: You should know, best man.
ALO: Oh yeah.
ALO: Suits are all sorted.
RICH: Dare I ask how?
ALO: Da and Dewi used to be in a Beatles tribute band together. I fished 'em out.
RICH: I'm going to ignore that.
ALO: Matty and Nick are taking care of Catering's sorted, boss.
Matty and Nick are running in the street.
ALO: Oh, my days!
RICH: Oh, shit.
A ROOM:
FRANKY: Hey, guys. All right?
LIV: What's in the box?
FRANKY: Ta-da! Dad made the cake. And I made the dress.
MINI: Wow. It's amazing Franky. Put it on, then.
Grace undresses to wear the dress. She looks herself in a mirror.
MINI: Beautiful.
LIV: Let's chill those jitters out, yeah?
MINI: Better get the glad drags on, then.
They change.
MINI: Need a hand? Um, VBL: Visible boxers' line. You smooth while I pull, right?
FRANKY: Do I look like a dick?
MINI: No. You look amazing. Now, remember what I said. You…
FRANKY: …I deserve better.
Someone honks outside.
GRACE: Oh, my God, they're here!
OUTSIDE:
Boys are waiting for them.
ALO: Let's get these fuckers to the slaughter!
They go in the van and they leave the town. The GPS rings, but David doesn’t ear it.
IN THE VAN:
GRACE: So, the vicar?
ALO: All sorted. He's a bit back street. But it's all cool. Dewi had a word. They used to be in a Beatles tribute band together.
RICH: If one note of All We fucking Need Is Love plays, I'm gonna piss all over his organ, Al. I swear.
ALO: Yes, all right, Richard.
RICH: What's that?
ALO: Dewi did it himself.
RICH: What, when everyone thought the Earth was still flat?
GRACE: Alo, you do know how to get there, don't you?
ALO: Yeah all sorted. Turn right here, we'll be there in no time.
RICH: Er, Alo, you sure about this? Where are you taking us through?
ALO: A special sort of short cut, B route, Rich.
RICH: What, through fucking Helmand?
The road is blocked.
RICH: Well done, Alo. It's a dead end.
ALO: Nah, it's fine. I can get round that.
RICH: Alo, no.
ALO: I can make it.
RICH: No!
ALO: See? Shit!
RICH: Fuck's sake, Alo! I told you, you never listen.
The vehicle falls in a ditch. In the van Franky is thrown on Matty.
MATTY: I'm sorry, OK?
ALO: Everyone good?
MINI: Yep.
NICK: All good.
The engine is leaking fuel. Smoke escapes from the car. Franky is watching the paper she gives to Matty.
ALO: Shit! It's going nowhere.
They leave the car.
FOREST:
RICH: Anyone got reception?
ALL: Nope.
ALO: Let's get this show back on the shitty road.
While he is trying to puss the car out of the ditch, Matty and Liv embrace each other.
MINI: I thought we had discussed the Matty’s situation.
FRANKY: What?
MINI: What the fuck were you doing back there?
FRANKY: I don't know, Mini, OK?
Franky leaves Mini. Nick goes out the van.
NICK: Woo-hoo! Put a drunk on it, people!
LIV: What the fuck is he’s on?
MATTY, holding to Franky a fag: Franky?
MINI: That's called grooming.
NICK: May I have this dance?
Nick dances with Franky.
GRACE: This isn't the motherfucking reception, Franky.
ALO: Guys, she's dead.
GRACE: What do you mean by "dead", Alo?
MINI: You can fix it, right?
ALO: Look! It's it's a freaking angel!
MINI: Oh, my God!
NICK: Oh, no, it's a car.
RICH: Of course it's a fucking car, Nick.
They go on the road and they stop the car. A couple is inside.
WOMAN: Hello.
GRACE: We have to get married in two hours at Chepston.
WOMAN: Well, isn't that an alignment? We're off to sell our creation at their craft fair.
GRACE: What about the others? They've got to be there.
RICH: Well, we have to be. And they will be. Right?
NICK, on the car’s roof: My angel! No, that's an angel.
MINI: Leave the angel alone, Nick.
ALO, to the man: What direction's it in, man.
MAN: Cross country as the crow flies, about an hour. Veer southwest.
ALO: Thank you, my henna-handed honcho.
WOMAN: Fingers!
ALO: Don't worry, dude.
FRANKY, drawing in the car’s window: Everything will be OK.
MINI: We'll be there. Bye, guys.
ALO: Have fun, kids.
Grace and Rich are in the car. They leave their friends with the couple.
NICK: Maybe they're post-apocalyptic savages, that'll eat them alive and make, like, pants from their skin and a fucking glockenspiel from their bones and shit.
MINI: Shut the fuck up, Nick.
ALO: Southwest. South. South.
Alo bends towards the ground and he mixes excrements.
MINI: Alo, A horse shit! Farm boy, what the fuck?
ALO: Once more unto the breach, my friends. Now, who's with me?
NICK: Hey, Alo, you've got to teach me that trick, man, with the shit.
GRACE’S HOUSE:
DAVID: Luncheon already?
SONIA: It's nearly one, David.
DAVID: How my idle morning has flown.
They begin to eat. David watches her mobile phone. He suffocates.
SONIA: Where on earth are you going?
DAVID: To retrieve our fugitive daughter.
FOREST:
Alo, Nick, Liv; Mini, Franky and Matty are walking in the forest.
NICK: Pit stop, you beautiful walkers!
MINI: We've only just started, you prick.
MATTY: One for the road, Nick.
NICK: Beer rain! There is a God!
They begin a fight by throwing some beer on each other. Mini sees Franky and Matty having fun, so she throws her can on the boy.
MATTY: What the fuck was that for?
MINI: We've got our friend's wedding to get to, Mr. I Don’t Give a Fuck about Anything or Anyone.
MATTY: You're wrong, I do.
MINI: What about our agreement?
FRANKY: Mini? What agreement?
MINI: You deserve better, remember?
FRANKY: Have you been saying shit behind my back?
MINI: I told him to stay away, OK?
MATTY: I can't hack this anymore. Let's go. I'll see you at the church.
ALO: No, no, no, we can't split up. I can get us there, I promise.
LIV, to Franky: Come with us. If you like.
MINI: No way! She's staying right here.
LIV: Come on, Franky.
Liv and Matty are leaving their friends.
MINI: Franky, I I'm trying to protect you.
FRANKY: Mini, I'll see you later, OK?
MINI: He just wants to fuck you and then fuck you up!
FRANKY: Good.
Franky runs to join Liv and Matty.
DAVID BLOOD’S CAR:
SONIA: So you put an insect thingy on her?
DAVID: A bug. We'll catch her soon enough.
SONIA: She isn't a dog, David.
DAVID: Could you unwrap another Werther's for me, please, Sonia?
STRANGER’S CAR:
WOMAN: And each child rings a year on the tree of our love we planted on our wedding day.
GRACE: How many do you have, Crystal?
CRYSTAL: 13.
MAN: No more travelling the world like scab-injected tumbleweed. I rooted in the soil of our marriage.
CRYSTAL: Diesel was a roadie.
MAN: Oh, really? Who for? Throbbing Gristle, Alien Sex Fiend, Napalm Death.
RICH: No fucking way!
CRYSTAL: Way, way wayward, spiritually bereft.
RICH: Bullshit.
MAN: Now I hunter-gather!
CRYSTAL: And I tend to his loin-fruits.
GRACE: I wonder how the gang is doing.
RICH: Alo'll get 'em there.
FOREST, ALO’S GROUP:
ALO: We're shafted and it's all my fault. Some fucking best man I am!
NICK: Er, Als, you know the negative shit's a real downer.
MINI: I'm worried about Franky, we shouldn't have left her. Something bad's going to happen and I and I can't stop it now.
ALO: Well, if anyone can, McGuinness can. Go or you'll regret it.
Nick tries to embrace Mini.
MINI: Slide off me, sweatbox.
NICK: But Nick needs a come-down cuddle.
MINI, leaving them: See you at the church Alo!
NICK: Ho-bag.
FOREST, MATTY’S GROUP:
Matty proposes some drug.
FRANKY: I do not. I mean, we've still got to get there, right?
LIV: That’s Ok. You want to, right?
MATTY: A bit of Mandy will help us along.
FRANKY: OK.OK, cool. Shit.
Matty offers his hand to the girls. They start running in the campaign and they arrive in a little village.
VILLAGE:
LIV, seeing an old man: I'll ask him where we are. Watch my back. (to the man). Good day squire. Might this be like Chepston, perchance? Can you tell me or does my boyfriend have to give you a BJ first?
MAN: Next one along.
LIV: Thank you kindly.
Liv kisses the man and takes his flask.
Liv, going back to her friends: This is what we do.
They walk in the street.Suddenly, Franks comes into a house and Liv and Matty follow her.
LIV: Er, Franks? We need to find a cab.
FRANKY: Yeah, I'm just gonna get some booze for the wedding first.
MATTY: Impressive!
FRANKY: Come on, guys.
LIV: Shit, Franks.
MATTY: Have you done this before?
They walk in the room, watching bottles. Matty stars to play piano.
LIV: Game on Mattster.
Liv joins Franky, who is dancing. She starts to kiss her.
LIV: It's OK.
They ear noise.
MATTY: Let's go. Here, take this.
They running through the wood while an old woman chase them away.
WOMAN: I'll have your heads on the wall! And don't come back!
VILLAGE:
MINI: It's called grunge revival, OK?! Oh, ground, swallow me whole, please. (she sees the old man). Oh, erm Hi! Have you by any chance seen erm, two girls and a boy?
MAN: Bugger off!
MINIE: Rudeness!
FOREST, MATTY’S GROUP:
LIV: Why did you stop me?
MATTY: She isn't a fucking experiment.
LIV: I thought that was what you wanted. I'm trying to fix us, Matty.
MATTY: I want you. I love you. But…
LIV: …But it's not enough, is it? And all the chemicals in the world can't make it enough. I'd swallow razor blades to see you smile, but even that wouldn't do it.
MATTY: Look, Liv, please, let's just catch her up.
LIV: I don't want her with us now, OK?
MATTY: She's off it, she'll get lost.
LIV: And I won't?
MATTY: No, Liv. You'll always be OK.
He leaves her.
LIV, striking: And that girl will always be lost!
FOREST, ALO’S GROUP:
NICK: Sure you ain't got pills, Al Capone?
ALO: One more time. One more fucking time!
NICK: Al! Al! Al! Have you double-double-checked?
ALO: No! I do not have any pharma-fucking-ceuticals, Nicholas!
NICK: Argh!
Nick falls, but Alo continues to walk.
ALO: Oh, don't take your dependency out on me, all right? Now, come on, pick up the pace. One, two, three, four! Look, I'll roll you a spliff if you pick the pace up to ten…
Alo notices that Nick isn’t anymore behind him. He runs to find him. Nick is trapped.
NICK: I'm trapped! Ah! Fucking hell!
ALO: Right, easy, easy, easy.
NICK: Aaah!
STRANGER’S CAR:
CRYSTAL: Like serpents coiled in perpetual yin-yang mating.
MAN: Spiritual Siamese twins with male-to-female body parts.
CRYSTAL: Our lives are one.
MAN: My key fits her lock.
CRYSTAL: His cotton bud cleans my ear.
CRYSTAL AND THE MAN: To hear the glory of our union!
RICH: Slit my wrists now.
GRACE: What?
MAN: So, not long before…
CRYSTAL: …you're welded together forever.
RICH: Ace.
FOREST, ALO’S GROUP:
NICK: Go on without me! I'll die here alone. It's all I deserve.
ALO: Just keep your leg still, all right? You're in a rabbit snare.
NICK: Ow! Save yourself and leave me to the bears!
ALO: We're in Somerset, Nick!
NIICK: Go the fucking squirrels, then! Ah! Go!
ALO: Just shut up, all right? Shut up and keep your frigging leg still!
Alo removes the trap and Nick’s sock.
ALO: Oh, bloody hell, Nick! When did you last change these?
NICK: It's not them. That's the smell of a loser's death.
ALO: You're not a loser. You're a bit of a prick, but peel away that pricks and there's a good man in there. Come on, big boy!
NICK: No No!
ALO: Arise, sire!
NICK: Argh! My beer. I want my beer.
ALO: No, let it go.
NICK: You're a good, good bloke, Alo.
ALO: Yeah, I know.
FOREST:
Mini walks in the forest, she sees Liv.
MINI: Liv! Where is, er everyone else?
LIV: Like Franky? Your girl crush is so blatant.
MINI: What? Where's your man, then?
LIV: I think I've fucked things up, big style.
MINI: So where is he?
LIV: Looking for her.
They take each other hands.
CHEPSTON:
PRIEST: Oh I'm afraid you've missed your slot. I'm just starting the born-again-agains' baptisms. But I could fit you in, in an hour? Potentially.
RICH: Oh, right.
PRIEST: Ah. Oh, 16.23! And a Refresher! Done. Where's that young Creevey and the rest of your party? Oh, well, there's almost an hour yet. All you need is two witnesses.
The priest leaves them.
RICH: Uh.
GRACE: They'll be here.
RICH: You reckon?
GRACE: They have to be. They're our friends, Rich.
RICH: Let's just find two people for, like, backup.
He sees an old couple.
RICH: Two people: easy.
CAMPAIGN:
Alo and Nick are walking. They perceive a car.
ALO AND NICK: Oh, my God! I like it! Come on! We're gonna live! A road! We're gonna live! We're saved!
CHEPSTON:
Rich and Grace go to meet the couple.
MAN: But there's loads of room!
WOMAN: Oh, very salubrious, Bertie.
RICH: Er, hi.
MAN: Oh, hello, lad.
GRACE: Will you be here in an hour?
MAN: Oh, can't say!
WOMAN: We've not got long.
RICH: Oh, yeah, good one. No way.
GRACE: We need two witnesses so we can get married, cause everything's gone wrong and please.
MAN: Of course, dear, of course.
RICH: In an hour, then.
COUPLE: Yeah. Yeah, yeah! Yeah. OK.
RICH: Thank you.
FOREST:
Franky is running in the woods. She stops and looks at the sky.
FRANKY: Liv? Matty?
Matty arrives behind her and he hides Franky’s eyes with his hands. Franky, surprised, brings down the bottle she handled.
MATTY: Are you OK?
FRANKY: I'm sorry I'm sorry. I thought…Where's Liv?
MATTY: I tried to stay away from you and I can't. Here we are. It's not random. You feel it, right? I really want to fucking kiss you, but I can't.
FRANKY: Then why are you head-fucking me?
MATTY: Franky, don't Just as fucked in the head as you are.
FRANKY: You know, when I was six, teacher asked me to think of something beautiful. I said 9/11. Saw it on the TV in this care home with the sound on mute. Teacher told me how many people had died. And all the other kids in the class cried, and I knew then that I was wrong. I guess that's why my parents gave me up. Because they knew, too right from the beginning.
Matty kisses her. They start to make love on the ground.
MATTY: Franky?
FRANKY: Get off me. Get off me!
She stands up and she runs away.
MATTY: Franky, wait! Franky! Franky, come back! Franky! Please!
LIV: What the hell happened?
MINI: What the fuck have you done?
LIV: Franky! Franky, please, come back!
Franky continues to run but she falls.
MINI: Can you see her?
LIV: She's here! Franky, hold on! Take my hand, Franky.
FRANKY: Go away.
LIV: Please, Franky! Franky, take my hand! Franky, please, please! I'm so sorry, Franky! Come on, please, take my hand. OK!
Liv try to save Franky. Mini and Matty arrive to help her. Franky is now safe.
MINI: Franky, did he hurt you?
MATTY: It's not what it looks like, Liv, I swear, she just lost it.
FRANKY: I just wanted to feel normal.
CAMPAIGN:
Alo and Nick hitchhike. Grace parent’s car’s passes in front of them.
ALO: Ah!
ALO AND NICK: David fucking Blood!
ALO: Shit. (he looks at his mobile phone). Oh!
NICK: Oh, fucking.
Another car arrives.
NICK: Hey, stop! Stop! Stop, please!
CHEPSTON:
Grace and Nick are waiting in the front of the church.
RICH: They went and got battered.
GRACE: They're supposed to be our friends.
RICH: Just us now.
GRACE: This is so not what I dreamed of. Why did you cut your lovely hair?
RICH: I asked for a trim. Guess I look the part, I suppose. Mr. and Mrs. Mainstream.
GRACE: Did you actually think that's what I wanted?
RICH: Grace!
Alo and Nick go out of the car. They run to Grace and Rich.
NICK AND ALO: Blood is coming!
Grace’s parents arrive. They go into the church.
PRIEST: All we need is love.
NICK: Great.
PRIEST: All we need is…
RICH: …To get on with the service.
David and Sonia Blood come into the church.
DAVID BLOOD: Not on God's holy earth.
GRACE: How did you know I was here?
SONIA BLOOD: He put an electric insect thing on you.
DAVID BLOOD: A bug, for the billionth time.
GRACE: I'm your daughter, not al-Qaeda.
DAVID BLOOD: You are coming home with us.
Liv, Franky, Mini and Matty come in the church.
LIV: Hey, Grace.
GRACE: You're all here!
DAVID BLOOD: Look at what this motley crew has done to our little girl.
GRACE: I'm not your little girl.
SONIA BLOOD: Her future's hers, David, not ours.
DAVID BLOOD: You, you corrupters are all, all, expelled.
NICK: You can't do that, sir.
DAVID BLOOD: Oh, look how the mighty have fallen.
NICK: Yeah. I fell down a freaking k-hole, actually, but these guys caught me. It's what mates do. Cause it's screwed up out there. I don't know if you've been outside lately, but it is. But we have a go. Whatever comes, we have a good go at it. Cos it's all we can do.
DAVID BLOOD: Right, then, so be it. But we shall take no further part in this ridiculous melodrama.
He leaves the church. Sonia smiles to her daughter.
DAVID BLOOD: Sonia!
She also leaves the church.
RICH: So, are we going to, you know get married?
GRACE: Don't ever cut your hair again.
RICH: Not gonna.
GRACE: It'll grow. You're still my metal man, my own Tin Man.
RICH: So things are good, right, with us?
GRACE: Yeah. So do we really need to change things?
RICH: You could just take me to be your boyfriend.
GRACE: Totally.
They all leave the church.
NICK: I can't walk any more.
MINI: Like, ever again.
ALO: Hark! I sense merriment afoot. Let's go!
He runs away and his friends follow him.
RICH: Alo! Oh, please Alo!
NICK: I can't even walk!
MINI: Alo, where the fuck are you going?
They begin to run in a field.
ALO: Woo-hoo! Woo!
Alo find a party.
ALO: I told you! Yes! Yes! Ta-da!
Everybody go to the party. Liv and Matty stay to talk.
LIV: It's not your fault. We had a good day, didn't we?
MATTY: What?
LIV: The day we met. I don't want to fuck with that memory any more.
She kisses Matty.
LIV: Let's just see it out in style.
They join the others at the party.Then, we see Franky outside. Liv and Mini join her.
MINI: Are you OK?
FRANKY: I used to beam myself away, go somewhere in my head where I felt less weird.
LIV: You're not. Who'd have thought, the three of us sharing a peace pipe?
MINI: Let's try not to fuck it this time.
Grace arrives.
GRACE: You're missing my not-wedding-after-party.
The girls join the party. Franky looks at Matty and sends him a message. She goes to embrace him.
* * * * * * * * * * * TO CONTINUE… * * * * * * * * * *
